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I have
always wondered what I am and questioned why I am here but it has been
in the last several years that I have really tried to find “My core”; I’ve
been trying to figure out what is at the center of “My Being” and
ultimately; my life’s purpose.
There was a point in time when I thought who I was, was interdependent
on the family that raised me, and on the genealogical make up of my structure. As I
grew up and married into an instant family, I felt another shift. Yet I
still believed; who I was, was interdependent on them. It was through
them, that I realized that although the genes have some merit on your
physical body, it is the “Love Lines", not the “Blood Lines”, that
determine the merit of our heart.
As my family grew up, my needs and
desires shifted into my career. It didn’t take long for me to think
that who I was, was interdependent on what I did. I thought what I
did was
part of the reason I was here. Through many joys,
frustrations and heart aches, I felt my spirit preparing me for yet
another shift. It felt "a tough one coming".
The most recent shift has reared into
light during the past 6 months. It has been a scary time for me, the
deep secrets of my past have been jarred out into the open. I had no
choice then, but I have one now. On some soul level, I know it happened
for some reason; but I am just trying to deal with what is now. It is
very hard for me at times, to make out all of the pieces in front of me,
but I will see the big picture. I am a survivor!
This is the
shift I have been sensing for the past couple of years. I will get
through this and I will be a better person for it. It is already a
significant part of my recent Art work. Slowly, with the love and
understanding of my family, I will put all of my
shattered
pieces on the table. With a lot of guidance; pieces will come together
and form the completed and connected person of who I am meant to be.
I know it is sketchy for those who do not know what has been transpiring
in my life. Symbolically, this new shift is connected to my most recent
dragonfly encounter; the correlation and death between the illusion of
my childhood and the reality of it.
However serious and heart wrenching;
the shifts
and lessons I face, are lessons I must learn in order to grow. Its a
healthy time for me to, yet
again,
let go of my old
realities and beliefs.
It is time for me to see
my new truths
which will bring me that much closer to what I am all
about. My true core is in here, I am closer.
In the end I continue to realize, it is every experience that I have come to know;
all written
deep in and on my soul, both positive and heart wrenching, that has
molded me into who I am and who I am becoming;
I am a true work in
progress..
I am sorry for mistakes I have made and the people I have hurt along my
life’s path. I do
hope they will find it in their heart to forgive me and let go of any pain I caused them.
So for now, I focus on the challenges placed before me and
I know
"all that is", has my experiences well in hand and I am forever grateful!
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Explore my journey through this lifetime.... 
